I believe very few of us will do it if we are to be true to ourselves. What is happiness?? And how do we know we are truly happy?? I guess the answer to the first question depends from individual to individual. For some happiness would be the absence of poverty, not having to face the struggles of the poor. For others happiness would be the well being of their loved ones. The idea of happiness varies but still do we truly achieve happiness. I highly doubt that. We just flirt with the concept of happiness. We are never really happy. Because achieving true happiness would be like achieving moksha. And we, the common men and women, aren’t capable of achieving it. What we do as I said earlier is be happy in parts. Never really realise it. I found the movie The Pursuit Of Happiness quite true to its title in a sense that we are in a constant process of chasing happiness, a pursuit as has been said in the movie. We try to search for happiness in every aspect of life. Be it in our professional or personal life. Why does happiness have to be a pursuit. why cant it be just be with us. Herein lies the answer to the second question. We don’t know when we are happy. Majorly because we are never really content. We always have the hunger for more. Happiness is contentment. If we are content with what we are, what we have presently we would be on the path of true happiness. One thing we have been made to believe from our childhood is that happiness can be gained by doing the right deeds, by being good. Now who has defined good and bad. why is bad ‘bad’? Why cant all deeds be seen as experiences, choices. There should be no right or wrong in this world. Only choices. So what if an individual is finding his happiness by doing a so called ‘bad deed’. isn’t that happiness?? Like I said earlier the perception of happiness varies. It cant be limited to being good or for matter of fact doing good. I believe every individuals life is about finding happiness though it shouldn’t be so. I am no exception even when I would like to be one. So to all the people out there continue with your pursuit and till then do clap your hands occasionally!!!!!
The question that bothers me is- are we as humans even capable of unconditional love? or is such an concept just an illusion for us. Yet unconditional love is what GOD created us for. To love without expectation. If we are able to attain this we would be halfway in our quest of realising HIM.
In my personal opinion we humans in our present state are incapable of achieving this. There is no love which is without any conditions, without any expectations. I read somewhere that even a mothers love is not unconditional. I tend to agree with it. Will our parents love us if we don’t love them back?? I don’t think so. Every relationship in our lives tends to start with us putting certain conditions as to the quantity and quality of love we would give in that relationship. The thought of just loving without getting it back never occurs to us. It is just plain and simply wrong. You would be branded a fool if you do love someone unconditionally. And as is human tendency we tend to care more for what others think of us than mind our own business. Who would like to be called a fool?? And out of this fear we tend not to love anyone in our life. Who would go against the world. Its a cardinal sin as has been taught to us from our childhood.
Expectations is the single most source of all the unhappiness that we encounter in our lives. Still we do it. Now why is that? Its because we have been taught so. We do what others tell us to do, seldom do we tread our own path or pay heed to our own experience. What has been told to us since ages is right, this is the notion we tend to go with. But is it? We love conditionally because we have been loved conditionally. We never have been taught the joy of unconditional love nor have we got the chance to love someone as such. Unconditional love is just a myth, a legend……
The question is will I be third time lucky?? Or is history going to repeat itself?? Am I going to turn out to be the forever alone guy?? This is the my story of two heart breaks and my pursuit for the answers of the above mentioned questions.
Falling in love always was, is and will always be beautiful. So there I was, a stupid 14-year old not knowing what was happening with me or for the matter of fact why. And there she was. I guess equally stupid but nonetheless beautiful. And she had to be. She had blown me away for Christ’s sake. The dimples her cheeks made when she smiled just took your breathe away. And we all know how love is at that time. Cute but immature. It all started with the long walks to the tuition we both attended. At first I ushered away what I felt by branding it a crush. A whole year went by walking with her daily to the tuition and I was more than happy to keep walking with her for the rest of my life. The most romantic ones were the ones when it rained. Yes it does sound filmy but walking in the rain has its own perks. She looked doubly cute and beautiful in those rains. Soon tenth standard came along and we got separated. No more long walks and no more talks. I got busy with my studies and my feelings for her went into the background. School finished we parted ways. I was still unaware that I loved her. It was after two years that I realised that I did love her. We had started talking over the phone. I was in my first year engineering and she was pursuing her BMM. It was then I realised that my feeling for her never changed. It was the same as four years ago. I still remember the roller coaster feelings I went through at that time. I still miss those talks over the phone where I used to hide under the blanket because I just couldn’t stop smiling. But it was too good to last. As it always happens the girl fell for a jerk and I was left devastated. I wont go into much detail of that as there is no point.
One thing I am blessed with is the ability to differentiate a love and a crush. After my first love there were many crushes. But none of them felt the same. Some may say I didn’t give it enough time to grow but it just didn’t feel the same. That smile never returned. I started to believe I would never fall in love again. But I was to be mistaken. Again there she was. Stupid, dumb but again equally beautiful. Couple of years down the line I may ask myself how did I fall for her. Believe me I have been asking myself the same question. There is something about her which attracts me towards her. A kind of innocence or maturity, hard to guess, that really really makes me want her. Not in a lust kind of way but in a sense I can see myself with her for the rest of my life. And I know its love because I feel miserable, horrible to be precise and I know when I felt the same way. Every morning belongs to her and so does every night. I wake up every day thinking how can I make today something special for her. And I truly wake up from my sleep not after taking bath but at the sight of her smile every morning. And mind you she has an equally killer smile. If I could I would keep staring at her all day. But that would be a little bit creepy. I could do anything to keep that smile on her face always. Moreover this love is different. its more mature. looking at her I know I can wake up every morning of my life looking at that face. I know I can stand on the tallest building of the world and shout I Love You!! She does make my heart skip a beat. She is my safe house, someone I feel secure with, someone with whom by my side I become a cooler person. With her by my side I know I can take up any challenge in the world coz it wouldn’t matter if I fail coz I would know I still have her by my side. And that would be the real victory.
But sadly she cant be mine. Though reluctantly but I have accepted my fate. Personally I am absolutely fine with the fact that she doesn’t love me. I would only like to thank her for making me feel miserable. But my search for true love continues. Maybe I will find it maybe not but as they say about life and love-“its all about the journey!!!” My pursuit for true love continues and I would suggest all the people out there not to give up on theirs. Its out there somewhere. Just don’t give up.
So it’s been nearly four years. Doesn’t seem to be a long time ago when I had set foot on this foreign land. But in terms of the experience I have had it has been a looonnggg time.
- Change is inevitable. Change, good or bad, is an absolute necessity. It shapes you as a person. Don’t go about looking for good changes. Let it happen as it comes. Believe me even the not so good changes according to you will shape your future in some way or the other. And it’s pointless to say but don’t resist changes.
- People come and people go. Deal with it. This is something I learnt the hard way. I used to think people come into our life and remain forever. But every relationship in our lives comes with an expiry date. Life itself isn’t permanent so stop expecting people in your life to be.
- Never trust anyone 100%. Trust people but never put blind faith in them. It will come back to haunt you. It’s nice having faith in someone but in the end trust yourself and no one else. Because the best judge of any situation is you and not them.
- Have guts. Have guts to tell the truth or to support it. If something is going wrong have the guts to make it right. Even if the truth is going to hurt you, still have the guts to do the right thing.
- Don’t go about looking for best friends in this phase of your life. End result will be you won’t get one and to top it off you will get hurt bad. Make best friends when you are in school because that’s when we humans are at our selfless best, when we are children. The more we grow up the more sin we do of being selfish. Friendships turn out to be nothing but a way of getting things done.
- Fall in love. Don’t be afraid to fall in love. It may hurt and the other person may not love you back but never be afraid to fall in love. You might feel that you are the most miserable person in the world but this is what love does to you. It will either make you fly or make you jump off a bridge. But don’t let go off the opportunity to fall in love. It’s a wonderful feeling.
Most of the things you would do in life would be insignificant but its very important that you do it because no one else will!!
This is long overdue. My favourite cricketer, now long retired, and i havent written about him. Not fair. And as to the identity of the man the title says it all now doesnt it!! 🙂
Rahul Dravid- the name says it all. Mr Cricket, Mr. Dependable, Mr. Consistent, The Wall- the man has been called quite a few of these names in the past but for me he will always be a man i aspire to be not in terms of the cricket he played (offcourse no one can match that) but in terms of a human being. He is someone i look up to as a person and if i could manage to be even half the man he is i think i would be leading a quite satisfactory life. I mean the man is a gentleman in the true sense. Never will you watch a calmer man. Whatever the situation India found itself to be in, however worse it may be Dravid’s demeanor never changed. He was always his calm self. I was always reassured whenever i saw him at the crease. With him came a sense of security and you just knew things would turn out to be fine. Not blessed with the most fluent of techniques as opposed to his counterparts Dravid epitomised all the things that are needed to succeed aparrt from natural talent- hard work, dedication and a love for the game. Rather his unorthodox defense made him the best in the world!! Many a fast bowlers came up to bowl to him but all of them failed in front of his rock solid defense! Rightfully called The Wall the bowlers literally felt they were balling into a wall the way the balls kept coming back at then once delivered.
Dravid never wanted to hogg the limelight. And thats one of the things i love about him. He would rather go about doing his job under the light than be on it. He is more than happy lettting others steal the show. Be it his debut in which his classy 95 goes unheard of because of another debutant Sourav Ganguly’s century or because of the continuous focus on Sachin Tendulkar all his career. I feel it has helped Dravid in going about his job with minimum of interference and fuss. The most important thing for him is to perform too his own satisfaction. And mind you he does keep the bar quite high in that matter. Rahul Dravid was a team man in the true sense, even more than Sachin Tendulkar. He did everything for the team. Right from keeping wickets to opening the batting to facing the ire of the indian public by declaring early while sachin was closing in on his double century. All his career he always put the team before self and for that i salute you Rahul Sir.
Rahul Dravid is a role model to me in a way no one else can be. He never loses his cool even in the face of adversity. And that is what i aspire to be. I do consider his two kids to be really lucky because they are around such a great man. My eyes still search for him at the fall of India’s first wicket and i dont think i will ever feel secure whoever comes in at no. 3 from now on!!! You were, are and will always be the best no.3 India has produced and more than that you will always be the man I would like to grow into!!! Rahul Dravid- Its been an honour watching you grind it out for hours!!
Ahh!! back after a long hiatus!!! so what is it that interests me in writing?? hard to tell!! could be anything. mostly its something that makes me think about for a quite a few days!!! the whole structure of the writing just forms itself in my head and then the fingers do their job. another reason for coming back from the hiatus is the urge for trying out wordpress!! though it looks the same as blogspot but i am still upbeat about discovering something new for myself here!! i do have a topic or two in mind i was plannning to write about!! lets hope that it does work out!!! till then….