The question is will I be third time lucky?? Or is history going to repeat itself?? Am I going to turn out to be the forever alone guy?? This is the my story of two heart breaks and my pursuit for the answers of the above mentioned questions.
Falling in love always was, is and will always be beautiful. So there I was, a stupid 14-year old not knowing what was happening with me or for the matter of fact why. And there she was. I guess equally stupid but nonetheless beautiful. And she had to be. She had blown me away for Christ’s sake. The dimples her cheeks made when she smiled just took your breathe away. And we all know how love is at that time. Cute but immature. It all started with the long walks to the tuition we both attended. At first I ushered away what I felt by branding it a crush. A whole year went by walking with her daily to the tuition and I was more than happy to keep walking with her for the rest of my life. The most romantic ones were the ones when it rained. Yes it does sound filmy but walking in the rain has its own perks. She looked doubly cute and beautiful in those rains. Soon tenth standard came along and we got separated. No more long walks and no more talks. I got busy with my studies and my feelings for her went into the background. School finished we parted ways. I was still unaware that I loved her. It was after two years that I realised that I did love her. We had started talking over the phone. I was in my first year engineering and she was pursuing her BMM. It was then I realised that my feeling for her never changed. It was the same as four years ago. I still remember the roller coaster feelings I went through at that time. I still miss those talks over the phone where I used to hide under the blanket because I just couldn’t stop smiling. But it was too good to last. As it always happens the girl fell for a jerk and I was left devastated. I wont go into much detail of that as there is no point.
One thing I am blessed with is the ability to differentiate a love and a crush. After my first love there were many crushes. But none of them felt the same. Some may say I didn’t give it enough time to grow but it just didn’t feel the same. That smile never returned. I started to believe I would never fall in love again. But I was to be mistaken. Again there she was. Stupid, dumb but again equally beautiful. Couple of years down the line I may ask myself how did I fall for her. Believe me I have been asking myself the same question. There is something about her which attracts me towards her. A kind of innocence or maturity, hard to guess, that really really makes me want her. Not in a lust kind of way but in a sense I can see myself with her for the rest of my life. And I know its love because I feel miserable, horrible to be precise and I know when I felt the same way. Every morning belongs to her and so does every night. I wake up every day thinking how can I make today something special for her. And I truly wake up from my sleep not after taking bath but at the sight of her smile every morning. And mind you she has an equally killer smile. If I could I would keep staring at her all day. But that would be a little bit creepy. I could do anything to keep that smile on her face always. Moreover this love is different. its more mature. looking at her I know I can wake up every morning of my life looking at that face. I know I can stand on the tallest building of the world and shout I Love You!! She does make my heart skip a beat. She is my safe house, someone I feel secure with, someone with whom by my side I become a cooler person. With her by my side I know I can take up any challenge in the world coz it wouldn’t matter if I fail coz I would know I still have her by my side. And that would be the real victory.
But sadly she cant be mine. Though reluctantly but I have accepted my fate. Personally I am absolutely fine with the fact that she doesn’t love me. I would only like to thank her for making me feel miserable. But my search for true love continues. Maybe I will find it maybe not but as they say about life and love-”its all about the journey!!!” My pursuit for true love continues and I would suggest all the people out there not to give up on theirs. Its out there somewhere. Just don’t give up.